once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
