I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
