Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you would pick up someone in the library
Four minutes until I can fart!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
