I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
