I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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