We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
