we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
