Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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