The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
