covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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