don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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