The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
