Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
love makes seman taste better
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
