I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
