Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
