Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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