What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
this just has baby written all over it
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
