you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im holly from the hills drunk
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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