I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
