oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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