She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
