Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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