and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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