and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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