also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i now understand why vodka
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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