They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
