Jerry, you need to find god
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
