My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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