i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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