i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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