dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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