it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
