she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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