my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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