it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
