i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
