I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
