watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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