you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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