he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize