and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
