textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
