What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
