drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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