the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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