No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
