That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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