HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
