ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
