The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
