he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
