That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize