cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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