i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
