Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
