i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
