I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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