Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I supernannyed him into submission
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
