I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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