Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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