Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
