oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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