No awkward lesbian experiences without me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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