I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
