She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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