Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
