We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I want to be your penis for a week.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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