I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
there's paper in my vomit.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
