sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
