My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
